Why is it that every January 1 people are compelled to reevaluate their lives and make a list of changes?   Why January first?  Why not on March 21^st, the first day of spring when the Earth is coming out of its wintery cocoon ready for renewal?  Why not begin anew on December 21^st, the Winter Solstice, when the Earth is hibernating and ready for thought and contemplation?  Could it be that we choose January first because, after a gluttonous six weeks (counting Thanksgiving) of carbohydrate overload, we are left dazed, fat, and weak, and, in this weakened state we decide we are in need of change…great, significant change?

Like everyone else, I too spend the last week of the year shoving as many stale Christmas cookies and chocolate Santas into my mouth while contemplating all that is wrong with my life and making a list of much-needed changes.  I begin by writing little notes to myself on brightly-colored post-it notes and stick them up around the kitchen…a glaring reminder of all the changes that must be made.  Then, when the notes hit the double digits, I formulate them into one master list on my laptop, complete with boxes for check marks when the resolution is completed.

I am actually a bit behind schedule New Year’s resolution-wise, so this 2010 I am actually beginning the Resolutions list for 2006.  At the top of that Resolution list, “stop procrastinating.”  I think I may need to leave that unchecked for the time being.  Second on the list, “lose five pounds.”  That is also on the list for 2007, 2008, and 2009 – leaving a grand total of 20 pounds.  However, this seems a daunting task, so I’ll just concentrate on the five pounds for 2006.  (For 2010, I only want to lose four pounds; I see that as an improvement.)

Why is it that I have such a hard time sticking to these resolutions?  Granted some of them are large tasks that require a lot of work and change, such as “finish my degree.”   So it is understandable as to how maybe that gets pushed aside, and then later abandoned.  What about the little resolutions, though?  Why are these seemingly easy and minor changes, such as “never leave the house without lipstick,” so quickly given up?

Here is my list for 2005, which I implemented in 2009, and how long each change lasted:

1. Give up soda-pop – 18 days
2. Lose five pounds – Enough said
3. Put the dog on a diet – 6 days (she really hated it)
4. Watch every movie nominated for an Academy Award so that I could make an informed decision in the pool.  This was hard, because it was 2009 and finding all of 2005 nominated movies on DVD wasn’t easy.
5. Quit gambling – Until the Academy Award pool.  It’s up to like a hundred bucks.
6. Join a gym and go once a day – 2 days
7. Have a kind word for my children each morning – 3 day

This list goes on and on, but there isn’t a single thing on it that I have actually stuck to.

So why do we do it?  Why do we feel this compulsion to set ourselves up for resolution failure?  Why can’t I sit at the kitchen table, the leg of a gingerbread man hanging from my lips, pen poised over my neon pink post-it note and say, “Hey I am pretty ok.  My life is pretty ok.  This year I resolve not to resolve!”  And so there it is folks.  My official resolution for 2010 is not to have a resolution list.  To just be happy with my life just the way it is.  Of course, I won’t get to it until 2014, but it is a start.

This morning I was awakened by my friend Mim*. She had managed to work herself up into quite a panic. You see she is throwing a dinner party this Saturday, and had not been able to figure out a menu.

“I wasn’t able to sleep all night.” She cried. “The party is only a few days away, what the F am I going to do?”

Why would she turn to me you ask? Well, in a former more glamorous Hollywood life, I hostessed quite a few dinner parties, almost one a week as a matter of fact. Now, I am pretty much resigned to a life of microwave popcorn and what ever is playing on the “We” channel, but what one learns over many years of trial and error one never forgets. So I immediately went to work and within ten minutes had calmed Mim’s fears and come up with a sure fire winner of a menu.

All this did get me thinking though. With this being the holiday and party season there are probably many of you out there working yourselves into a panic over hostessing a party. So although this blog is really for my dear friend Mim, maybe it will help some of you too.

First thing to do is pick a theme. Now I know there are many of you that have attended past parties of mine who are rolling their eyes. “Again with the theme?” they are saying. Yes, I do love to throw theme parties, and I do love a great costume, but not all themes have to be extravagant. The party can come and go and no one but you would have even noticed the theme. And, by picking a theme I don’t mean Aunt Martha’s birthday, or junior’s graduation.

Picking the theme makes the planning so much easier. Maybe the theme is as simple as Italian, or as outlandish as a 1970’s pot-luck, but picking the theme will set the mood, and the table settings, write the menu, and even help decide the music. A dinner party of Greek food, while seated on cushions around a table while listening to Salsa music is just stupid.

Now that the theme is picked, send out the invites. Don’t send out the invites longer than four weeks in advance, because people tend to forget, and never send them out less than two weeks before the party, because people have a life. Being an old fashioned girl, I use to abhor anything other than written invites, but I must admit that I do like the convenience of evite.

Time to set the menu. Keep the menu simple, with out a lot of dishes. A quick and easy formula is: meat, a hearty vegetable (for the non-meat eaters that may show up) a starch, a salad, and a desert. NEVER (noticed it is in caps, so that means it is important) try anything new. There is nothing worse than going to someone’s house for dinner only to have a ladle full of charred slop tossed onto your plate.

“I know it didn’t turn out, but I was trying something new.”

If you are simply dying to try that new recipe for “sun kissed scallops over a bed of chutney” then do a trial run a week or so before.

Another secret tip of mine is to never cook the whole meal myself. If you have read any of my former blogs you will know that I am a bit lazy, but laziness is not the entire reason for this tip. It is very difficult and exhausting to cook a big fancy meal for several guests, get it all to come out at the same time, and still look like you just stepped out of Vogue magazine. I am sure I’ve disappointed some former party guests of mine who really thought I always had my shit together, but alas, I am human, and I haven’t actually made mashed potatoes since 2003.

I usually pick one or two of the dishes to cook myself. Say the rib roast, and the salad, and the rest I pick up from my local gourmet grocery store. That way when my guests arrive, the food is in the warming oven, the kitchen is cleaned up, and I’m looking made up, and like I have it all together.

Another important secret tip of mine is not to cork the wine too early. I know that you Julia Child fans will say, “Julia always had a little vino while cooking.” This is true, but sometimes starting into the wine too early leaves you sloshed, lying on the floor singing a Carpenter’s ballad into a loaf of French bread. Been there done that. Valuable lesson learned.

Next on the list is the all-important rule of “don’t panic”. Remember that the reason you are throwing a party is to have a fun evening with your friends. So if the chicken burns, the rice is undercooked, and the soufflé drooped, well that is what Chinese take out menus are for. They usually deliver within 35 minutes or less, plenty of time to whip up some strong martinis and tell a couple of dirty jokes. Your guests will never be the wiser.

Moving on. Give your party no longer than 45 minutes before serving the meal. While your guests are waiting, serve a signature cocktail, a lot easier than a full on bar, and one simple appetizer. You almost worked hard on that meal that you half cooked, half ordered out. You want your guests to be hungry and to eat it.

I am sure Emily Post would roll over in her grave on my next tip, but I stand by it. Don’t wait for guests. I don’t think it is fair to the people who showed up on time to keep them waiting, drinking powerful martinis and licking the Brie plate because Mr. and Mrs. Tardy have yet to arrive. When The Tardys do show up, be gracious and welcoming. Fix them a plate, and make a joke. The awkwardness won’t last long.

That brings me to the seating arrangements. For this I like to follow my Victorian ancestors. I always make place cards, and set the seating arrangements and not leave it up to the guests. Call me a control freak (ok, yes I am a control freak). Don’t sit couples together. This will prevent the overly affectionate couple from making-out in the yams, and the bickering couple from starting a food fight with the linguine. Also, it is a good idea, if possible, not to seat people whom you know have deep, opposing political, religious, or just general views. Refer to food fight with linguine above. I try to seat people next to others who I think will find interest in each other and keep the conversation lively. Not always easy to do.

Sometimes as hard as you try to keep the party going, it falls flat, and you spot your guests checking their facebook pages on their i-phones under the table (I often catch my honey, Mhris* doing this at the dinner table when ever I am talking to him). For this I usually have a few party game ideas stashed away in the back of my head. Sometimes playing a game of Pictionary, or Celebrity can get an otherwise dull party back on its feet. And, if it is really bad you can try working in some drinking games, like quarters. That way even if the party is a total flop, maybe your guests will be to drunk to remember.

Last but not least, have a good time and take all of the credit.

So I hope this little essay inspires you to go out there and throw the best damned holiday party ever.